Cervical Dysplasia

[AmIStupid]

I have had female problems. At an early age, I have been diagnosed with endometriosis. At that time, I was told I could have either early stages of endometriosis or irritable bowel syndrome. When I had my gall bladder out, I had the general surgeon do another exploratory. He told me he did not see endometriosis but saw that I had a large Fibroid. This all happened before I had sex. I have been on and off birth control since an early age... and always since I been diagnosed with endometrosis. I may have tried to stop birth control a couple times but had to go back on it because of complications.

I did not want to go through life not experiencing sex. I have had 4 sex partners who are a lot older then me... I did not use protection all the time. None of them cum inside me. They say they are all clean... and I have asked them more then once... the guys have claimed that they are telling me the truth that they are clean.

My pap came back abnormal 6 months ago... I went back in and had a biopsy taken 6 months ago along with the HPV testing. Everything came back fine... the HPV testing came back negative. I just recently gone back and had another pap done and was told that they saw some cells 6 months ago and they took another biopsy again. This time, I was told I have mild cervical dysplasia My HPV testing once again came back negative. I was then told this could be caused from anything but the doctors are pushing HPV for the cause but twice I have come back negative. I have not had sex since last July.

Could this be from birth control pills that I have been taken for years? Could it be because of Endometriosis or possibly because of the fibroid I have?

I just do not know what to think. I am suppose to be having the abnormal cells frozen off at the end of the month. What happens then?

Am I going to be fine? Is this something I should worry about? Is there anything I can do to prevent this? If they freeze off the cells, am I healthy? Or am I never healthy anymore?

I have a guy who I really care and love for. He knows that I have a growth on my cervics that I will be having frozen off. I did not tell him the name of what the doctor diagnosed me with. Of course, this all comes back to HPV. Am I okay if the HPV test have come back negative each time? Could I possibly have something else and not have cervical dysplasia? I guess what I mean is this probably caused from my other female problems I have?

I feel numb, I feel dead, I am going through a lot of mixed emotions... I do not know what to think. Do I tell this guy I really care about what I am going through? If the HPV test comes back negative, does that mean I do not have sexually transmitted disease or do I have it? Do I not have sex with anyone anymore? I do not want this guy to get anything even though we used protection... I do not know what to think or who to turn to. I have no one to talk to. My doctor doesn't tell me anything.

I have no children... I would like to have children. Would a hysterectomy solve all of this? I have my whole life ahead of me. I am in my mid 30's.

Thanks.

Can anyone please give me some advice? The more I read... the more scared and worried I become.

[AmIStupid]

I forgot to mention that I do use sex toys to masturbate. Could these sex toys cause this cervical dysplasia? I am trying to figure out how all this came about... why? Am I going to be safe? and etc.

[Aziza]

Hi hun (definatly not calling you AmIStupid, cause you're not!)

First thing you should know. 50% of women ages 13-90 have HPV. Really. 1 out of every 2. That is a LOT of us. So, even if your HPV test comes back positive, you are soooo not alone in this.

Second, HPV isn't the only cause of dysplasia. I know that one of the reasons we get paps every year while on birth control is to check for dysplasia. So, it really could be the cause of your problems. I would read through the info on this site, there is a lot of good info. Read some of the other posts here, you'll find stories quite similar to yours. You are not alone, I promise you.

As for the toys, I'm in the same position. I have used them for a long time, and my husband uses them with me as well....our question right now is after my procedure, what we need to get rid of. I would personally replace anything that enters you, and consider replacing any surface toys (like vibes)....I don't know how well things live out on the air, or all that kind of stuff, but.....it would be one less thing to worry about, right??

If you need to talk, just let us know, there's a lot of us out here for you :D

~Aziza

[AmIStupid]

Thanks for your comment.

The person who I really care about isn't wanting to have sex with me anymore. It hurts as I have very strong feelings for him. I wonder if I will ever have sex again sometimes. The more information I read... the worse everything seems to sound. It sounds like you can get HPV from not just by sex. It sounds like you can get it by touching genital area with your hands. Also, by rubbing genitals. You also hear that if you use a condom... you are still not safe. How are you able to be safe anymore... or how do you make it safe with the partner you are with? Since they say it can spread not only by sex, how can you prevent from spreading HPV? I don't have any genital warts or anything such as that. I was told that if the condom isn't used correctly and not covering all areas... the person could catch HPV. I was told that my HPV is possibly just on my cervix and I am tested negative for HPV which I was told was just for the bad HPV. I was told that I carry the HPV virus as there are so many different strands... but what I have is not the bad stuff. If my guy who I really care about wears a condom, can he get HPV? I hear that you can get HPV if he eats my pussy... but there are not any studies of that actually happening. I was told if I had warts on my genital area, he could get HPV from eating my pussy... but what if I don't and was told its looks like its only on my cervix. Is he safe? I really want to have sex with this guy... but I don't want to do it if he has a chance of catching it.

If I happen to suck on a guys cock of whomever I may have gotten HPV from, could I spread HPV from my mouth with this guy whom I really care about?

I have so many questions... and not able to find any answers. Since I am not finding any answers, I feel like I should never have sex anymore... I feel devastated. The more I read... the worse it all sounds.

I guess you can spread it by mouth, hands, touching genitals... etc.

Since they can't test for all the strands of HPV and just for the bad stuff... and also can't test it in guys.... how does a doctor really, really know you have the HPV virus? Is it an automatic assumption that you have HPV just because you had Cervical Dysplasia?

I never though about replacing my sex toys... I've washed them with soap... will this prevent me from getting a normal pap now as I already had my cervix frozen?

I was also told by the doctor that I should get the Gardasil shot. There is an age frame on the shot and I am 34. My insurance will not pay for it because I am 34 and its only for the ages it list for. Does folks get the Gardasil shot even though they are older then the age the shot calls for? The shot would be close to $1,000.00 if I pay for it outright... I can't afford that... and also not sure since I am older... if I can still get the shot?

I am wondering if the cause of Cervical Dysplasia could have been caused by something else and not HPV. You read that it will go away in time as it may take 2 years... but they say you have the virus as you can still spread it... I just I don't understand it all...

I am dumbfounded and still not sure what to think. It hurts that I will not have sex with the guy I really care about and want as he doesn't want to risk getting HPV. I can understand his point... but a condom use sounds like it won't keep him safe.

I am looking for answers to questions I am not able to get answers too.

All information/advice/knowledge/experience is so much appreciated.

Thanks so much in advance.

[Aziza]

First, take a real long deep breath. These are so much like the questions I had. I had, I suppose, the normal number of partners before my husband. A few guys in college...and a couple girls. He was with his partner for 10 years before me, but had a couple before her. So, there's no way of us knowing where my dysplasia came from. And I don't even know if mine is caused by HPV or not. I remember them saying I tested as high risk for HPV, but I don't remember for sure if they said I have it...I was in a daze when they told me.

After a condom broke in college, I got tested for HIV..HPV was just something no one ever really talked about in health classes. I don't think before this I even knew what it was.

Yes, my husband and I use sex toys. Cause, well....sometimes you need a bit more :) I asked my doctor about it, she said that just normal washing is fine for it. Apparently, if it is the virus, it can't live long outside the body, so you shouldn't have any problems reinfecting yourself.

As for condoms for preventing HPV..it's really a dead end. You are right, it is spread skin to skin. So, your pelvis touching his could spread it. What was kinda funny for me, was that after my LEEP procedure, the doctor that did it told me to use protection...First, I had researched, and knew that it wasn't a failsafe way to prevent HPV. Second, my husband and I have had sex for 3 years now without condoms!! So, as my regular doctor as phrased it, all our fluids are well intermixed at this point ;)

Condoms can help, and honestly hun, now a days, it's a good idea to use them until you are sure that this is the one you want to keep. It isn't fool proof for HPV, but it will help lessen the chances. Not to mention you don't need to deal with HIV or pregnancy while dealing with all of this!

As for the guy not wanting to have sex, I would try and talk to him. Do some research in your area, and see if there are any counselors around who deal with dysplasia. Bring him with you to a doctor's appointment, so that he can ask the questions he is worried about. From what I have found, men have a LOT easier time if they get HPV then womn do. My doctor made it sound like all they have to deal with really is genital warts, which don't really hurt, and don't DO anything except look...well, you know.

There might even be some support groups in the area, look around a bit on the internet. Sometimes, just talking with other people in the same situation can help. You could even have him log on here, look at the posts from the other women, read the information they have posted about dysplasia and HPV. And I'm sure there's a forum online out there somewhere for men!!!!

If he is the one, you will make it through this together. My husband has been so wonderful through this. And try to remember to take care of yourself, overstressing weakens your immune system!!!

Let me know how you are doing hun!!!
~Aziza

[AmIStupid]

Thanks again for responding.

We are in a long distance relationship so we do not get to see each other that much. I've been talking to him about it... not as much as I like as we are both busy. He has done a little reading about it... but has not had much time to read.

I lost my virginity when I was 32. I am not 34. I am stupid for not waiting to have sex until I was married. I also did not want to go through life without ever experiencing it either. I been with 4 guys... yes, that probably sounds bad. They all claimed they were clean... but I guess all guys think that. Condom was not used all the time except with the last guy who I really care a lot about. I am not sure if I already had it when I was with the last guy as my yearly appt. wasn't until a month later. That is when the problems started. If I got it from the last guy before the one I really care about, he claimed he was 100% clean... and used a condom all the time except for 1 time... which was my fault. If I sucked on his cock, would I have HPV in my mouth now? If I suck the guys cock that I really care about, would I be giving him HPV? I don't want him to get HPV... he doesn't want to take the chance either... and he doesn't want to spread it. I would be humilified if I gave it to him... and he would probably hate me forever. We are suppose to see each other again in July. I can't tell him he will be safe by using a condom if he will not be safe. I can't tell him it is okay for him to eat my pussy... if it is not safe. I don't want to suck on his cock... if I am going to give him HPV as I am not sure if I could have it by sucking on a cock with someone who has it. I am not sure if you are understanding what I am saying. I do not want to go through the rest of my life not having sex again either... but I am having a feeling that this will happen as I am going to push myself away from guys and sex.

I do you ever know? I try talking to my doctor... but you do not get any honest answers... or they can't give you an honest answer cause no one ever knows...

I have not talked to family about this... and I can't. I know my grandmother had to have her cervix burned. My mom had to have her cervix burned once. This was a long time ago. Back then, when they had their cervix burned... is it the same as having your cervix frozen? Would it have been Cervical Dysplasia back then or would it have been something different? Would HPV been the cause back then that no one ever knew about?

I know I have had the HPV test two times and have come back negative two times. I just do not know what to think right now. I feel that I should push myself away from this guy who I really truly love just so I don't risk him the chance of getting HPV which is devastating me.

[AmIStupid]

What about kissing? I am not sure if I should even kiss anymore.

[AmIStupid]

I don't have warts.