Cervical Dysplasia

[erica]

Hi, I am a 24yr old mother of a 2yr old. I was just diagnosed with severe dysplasia. This was a shock. I went to the doctors office to get my annual pap done and get my last HPV vaccination on Monday January 14th. I had a dark spot on the exterior of my vaginal opening, that I thought was a genital wart. I was diagnosed with genital warts when I was 17, I had only had 2 sexual partners. I was devistated and didnt know how to tell my current boyfriend of my STD I eventually told him and he wasnt scarred off, I am now married to him. I had 3 visits to the doctor over the past 7 years to have warts burned off. I have had an annual pap done religously, they all returned "satisfactory". This time the doctor said it wasnt a wart, and he felt he should take a biopsy. I agreed and he gave me a few shots of lidocaine and removed a piece of the spot. I was worried about it, but was hoping for the best. I was at work, and I recieved the call on my cell phone on Thursday January 17. I answered and the Dr just blurted out " I have your results of the biopsy and you have precancerous cells.....blah,blah,blah.......". I couldnt breath, I ran to the bathroom and started to ball. He keep talking and I keept crying. I was so shocked, I was listening to what he was saying but wasnt understanding what he was saying all at the same time. I am mad at him, I feel he was very unsensitive in the way he told me. I feel he should have asked me to come to the office or asked me if I was ready for my test results. I asked to leave home and came home to tell my husband the bad news. I eventually called the doctors office back to get the exact diagnosis, the nurse stated " severe squamous dysplasia with precancerous cells". I have been crazy looking on the internet to find out exactly what that meant. Yesterday was the worst day of my life and what made it even worst was not knowing what exactly it meant. I didnt know wheither I was gonna live or die. Then today I found this website which gave me the information I needed. I have my next appt for the procedure on January 28. I am hoping for the best and not really ready for the worst. I am scared he is going to tell me I have cervical cancer and I need a hysterectomy My husband and I where planning on trying for another baby this year. As I am a only child, I wanted my son to have a sibling. Now this is happening. I am sooooo scarred and worried what he will find on my next appt. I am also very upset because everyone at my job knows. I had only told my superviser and she told me she would keep it confidential. Then today when I was getting ready for work I got a text message saying, "your going to be ok...." from a fellow co-worker. I started to cry, I didnt want no one to know about it. I dont want people to fell sorry for me or give me there fake sympathy. I called in. I just wasnt going to make it through the day, if every minutes someone was going to come up to me and say "Im sorry" or whatever they would say. Or even worst all the whispering behind my back and the sad look on their face when they see me. I am not looking or wanting anyone to fell sorry for me. I am a very private person, and this was something I didnt want everyone to know. I wish this wasnt spread around my job. I hope when I go to work on Tuesday, that people just leave me alone. My husband is trying to be strong for me. He keeps telling me dont worry, but it just makes me more mad when I hear that. I just keep crying and crying. I feel sooo alone. I dont have any close friends or family. So I am dealing with this all by myself and I feel my husband doesnt really understand what all this means. I am scarred this will progress to full blown cancer, and I will die. I dont want my son to grow up without a mom, both me and my husband grew up without our dads due to breakups not death. I dont want my son to be without me. I want to see him graduate and get married and someday make me a grandma......but now I dont know if I will live long enough for him to start preschool.