[livingwith]

I have been depressed since the age of four, no one knew it though. That is when I had to start visiting my biological father and I knew he was bad and that I wanted to die. Then my best friend, Jossee, died when I was ten. By that time, I realized I had to kill myself if I wanted to die. At the age of 18 I was diagnosed with major depression when I was in the psych ward for suicidal thoughts. I lied my way out. I refuse to take meds, therapists are a waste of time when you don’t wan...Read the full article

[Lindis]

Well, I think that you are in a vicious circle; because you are depressed, you can't make any good decisions for yourself, you feel there is no point with anything, and that there is no one you can turn to that would actually understand how you are feeling. The problem, one of many, about being depressed is that one tends to make decisions for oneself that doesn't help in the process of feeling better; because you feel there is no one to turn to, you isolate yourself even more, which makes you feel even lonelier and reinforces the feeling of there being no one there for you.
Sometimes we need to give ourselves a break, and while we can't control what other people do to us, we can control what we do to ourselves.