Eating Disorders

[cnf]

I am 17 years old, 5ft. 4in. and weigh about 117 pounds. I'm a junior in high school, and lately nothing about my image satisfies me. I cannot eat without feeling a juge amount of disgust, which leads normally to purging. I have extreme moodiness, and have lately just wanted to be left alone. Is this considered an eating disorder even though i don't ALWAYs throw up what i eat? I can't tell...but i know that something is wrong. I am extremely close with a teacher of mine, and have shared this with him.. he suggests help and said he would help me. whether it would be counseling.. or himself trying to help. i feel i can't go get help, because if my mom found out she would go nuts... i don't know what to do. but i can't live like this much longer. Does anyone have any advice, or experiences like this they can share with me? i would appreciate it soo very much. so please respond.
Thank you,
Chelsea

[Clearwater]

Hi,

Any purging is purging. I don't always purge after eating, only because the opportunity hasn't arose. I have "lived" with bulimia for 6 years now... I don't know how long this has been an issue for you, but fact is, it's an issue, and you should get help ASAP. I say that hypocritically, and am amazed at your strength in telling your teacher about your illness. I had teachers I used to be close to who asked me if I was bulimic after a large weight loss, and I denied it. I've lied to everyone I love about it, including my husband of 4 months... He noticed a spot on the toilet I failed to clean in my efforts of hiding my shameful habit, and confronted me about it, which brought up many years of my lies. I fear that getting help will bring my dependency on this to all those around me, and I don't want to be thought of as what I am...

I think that if you have someone to talk to, go for it. If they can get you help, take it.

Again with my hypocrisies. With bulimia, you will never be happy with your self image... I always see flaws, pick out spots where I am too fat, etc etc. I am 5'8 and at my lightest was 115. I am now 140, which just proves that it doesn't always keep you small...

Sometimes I wonder how much longer I can live like this...I am always telling myself "This is the last time."

I wish you all the luck in the world. Take all the support you can get, it's worth it.