Erectile Dysfunction

[livingwith]

My husband has ED and we have been dealing with it for about 3 years at this point. HE has ED because he was always a terrible diabetic.
On the one hand I truly feel bad for him because he has heart issues and cant use Levitra, Viagra, etc. However I am an attractive woman in her early thirties and I cant believe that this is my fate simply because he is selfish likes dessert and junk food. I workout and keep myself in excellent shape and I am constantly fighting with my morals because I beli...Read the full article

[bajaj]

I just read your post though I see that it was made more than 3 months ago. I am in the same position as you. I've been married for nearly 25 years to a great guy--easy going, fun and we are on the same page on every other issue. His ED started about 5 years ago and we've been ignoring this huge "elephant in the room" for some time. I've been through 2 individual counselors...the last of which said my husband is basically not fulfilling the marriage contract and that it would be totally understandable for me to "move on". He has been given prescriptions to both Levitra and Viagra but neither seem to work and he now shys away from any intimacy for the same reasons you stated about your husband. He is fit, trim and is in overall great physical health so there is no underlying cause for this problem.

The strange thing is that this has gone on for so long that I don't think he even misses the experience any more-- but like you, I am an attractive, fit woman that get plenty of attention from other men. I feel like I don't really deserve this fate either. The other bummer is that although I was his partner during his sexual peak--his early 20's--he has totally left me high and dry for my sexual peak--my early 40's. As both counselors have pointed out, marriages need some sort of sexual intimacy to tide them through all the hard times of raising children, work, etc. Its not just about lack of sex...its about all the connectedness that goes along with it.

I think if I didn't have two elementary school age children I would exit this marriage. Also, I want to "protect" him so I can't share this problem with anyone...and it would be mortifying to admit that it was the reason behind a divorce. It makes me feel very unattractive and undesirable.

I have thought there is a huge need for better support for the wives in this instance. We have discussed the idea of "open marriage" but how wierd is that??? And who's going to want ot sleep with some other guys wife?? It is all very troubling. This dilemma leaves me sleepless and depressed.

[Cecee]

Mine has it too. I hate it. I am tired of it. And right now I am mad! I fight with my morals too. I am frustrated and angry. On one hand I love him- on the other hand- I just want sex! And he avoids me- right now he is still at work and it is after 10PM.
I don't even know what to do.
C.

[learningaboutT]

I hear you. My husband has testosterone deficiency. He can get shots every two weeks and we could have a normal sex life.

The problem? He WILL NOT GO get his shots when he is supposed to. He shows no feeling toward getting this BIG problem taken care of. It makes me extremely angry because it is such an easy fix in our case, but he will not go.

Sex is awful. I have to initiate everything, I have to stroke his penis ONE certain way for 40 minutes, and then and only then can he get hard. I guarantee you he hasn't given me more than 2-3 minutes of foreplay ever. My part is just to stroke him and then fake it and hope he can finish so the horrible experience can end.

We used to have wonderful lovemaking sessions but those days are long gone.

If I had any answer for the emptiness inside, I would share it with all of you who are going through the same painful loss of intimacy. Unfortunately, there seems to be no definite answer.

I just wish I knew how to deal with all the anger I feel toward him.

[bajaj]

Ohhh...the anger....sometimes don't you just feel like you can scream. All the advise is to make it a "no pressure" thing but burying all that anger seems so bad. I recommend individual counseling just so you have some one to talk to since this is not really something I feel I should talk about with my friends. (Gosh, isn't amazing the need to protect their dignity even when they are causing you so much grief?)

I can tell you that the one or two times we have been able to have intercourse it has been soooo unsatisfying. Just completely lacking fun, intimacy and spontaniety. Quite honestly, I was never was overly attracted to my husband but he was such a great guy, I loved him and the sex was good so the fact that I didn't think he was super physically attractive didn't matter...but now, I am beginning to really find him unattractive. Is that some sort of wierd defense mechanism?....you can't perform so now I don't even want you.

I feel like life is too short to go completely without a sex life...and no...I don't consider a vibrator a sex life. I can tell you that this whole experience has really changed my outlook when I hear stories about adultery. The truth is, we really don't know what the circumstances are in those other peoples marriage that might have driven them to find intimacy with someone else. I know that my current situation is really making it tempting.

[yingguoren]

What happened to "For better or for worse"?
I understand it must be difficult for you too ladies but come on, think about what are your men going through, how to crush a man by cheating on him because he has this problem. And you are saying your men are selfish?
I agree with the lady who's man could get injections a fortnight that is easily fixed, have you tried talking to your husbands and making them feel ok about it instead of giving them pressure? Encourage them to do other things in the bedroom.
The reason i ended up on this post, i just read an article in a mens health mag that Benecol yogurt and butter has been found to improve erectile function, might be worth a try.

[jmchughes15]

First of all, if your husband does not have ED, then get off your "high-horse" and consider yourself very lucky that you are not condemned to a life of little sex or abstinence. Just because you came across an article about yogurt helping ED does not mean you are an expert on ED all of the sudden and even remotely understand what these women are going through. Yes, "for better or for worse" is correct, but when you are dealing with ED and life of little or no sex it becomes extremely difficult to deal with on a day-to-day basis; when the sex goes, the relationship ends; its a proven fact. I am not stating that these ladies need to abandon their husbands, but the psychological needs start empowering one's way of thinking. Yes, my husband has ED. I am extremely frustrated, sexually, mentally, physically, etc. you name it I am it. Especially since my husband refuses to get treatment and thinks it is all in his head. I am not sure that if presented the situation of having an affair that I would be strong enough to resist the temptation, and coming from me, a believer in God, that is hard for me to admit. I am completely torn right down the middle. My husband is my best friend, my confidant, my everything, he is a sweet, kind, loving, generous, handsome, intelligent, wonderful father and I could go on and on, but he had ED and our relationship suffers because of it. I feel the pain and hear the pain in the words that these ladies speak and very empathetic and sympathetic to the fact that this is a very real disease. I have done the research and my husband has been to many doctors and is now really frustrated which makes his condition worse. My only advice at the moment, is do not give up and do not give in to temptation. It is easier said than done, but try your hardest. I am about to try hormone therapy, please read up on this and see for oneself if this is something that fits ones needs. I just started reading up on it when I read an article in a magazine about the growth hormone HGH. Please be careful when reading articles and websites, as they can be misleading. The one that I am going to try is "Maximum Result Solutions, Inc. Yes, it is not cheap, but not overly expensive and if it does what it states, then the money is not an issue. I am going to try it first and see if the claims are correct; it is not just for men. If it helps me, then I will have proof that it works and can convince my husband. DO NOT ORDER THE PILL FORM. It can not be manufactured in a pill and these are misleading. Get the spray and with all natural ingrediants, not chemicals. Like I stated, do the research yourself and decide. If any of the women above whose husbands have ED need support, please feel free to respond anytime. It would be quite refreshing to know that I am not alone as well.

[bajaj]

Thank you jmc....for your thorough and thoughtful response. I was so angry...to the point of tears at the "high-horse" responder who just suggested we go try some yogurt. Clearly that person doesn't realize the amount of thought, emotion and real medical efforts that have gone into trying to find a solution to this problem. Like you, I consider my husband my best friend, confidant, father extraordinaire, etc. None of this is in anyone's head. The consequences of ED and its effects on a relationship and on each parties self-esteem are real.

I have also wondered about hormone therapy for my husband but his levels do not test low. I'll be interested to find out if the spray product you researched proves helpful. At one recent checkup, my husbands C-reactive protien level showed a bit high. That could be the source since high levels of C-reactive protien may be linked with ED but knowing the cause still doesn't help resolve the problem. At this point, the doubt and frustration are definitely wound up with the actual physical cause.

Once again, thank you for response. I also appreciate your warning to be cautious about internet and potentially worthless or dangerous products. I have been amazed at the lack of support offered the women that also suffer as a result of their husbands ED. I am grateful to the other women who are willing to share their experiences.

[jmchughes15]

Anytime Bajaj. Keep in touch as I will do the same and I will let you know how the spray works. It is scheduled to arrive mid September 09. Right now, however, I am hanging on by a thread, but still not ready to give up.

[ken24265]

I am also a diabetic & suffer from ED. I consulted my urology sister & she suggested a pump which works great. I also have the injections which last ages. Forget viagra etc & consider these two options & i'm sure your sex life will get back on track.