Erectile Dysfunction

[pigaraud]

Am a man of 52 years old, have had 14 years of good married life, sexually satisfying until 18 months ago. Have then been experiencing less and less hardness in erection, less sustained erections, more and more reduced volume of ejaculate now down to a drop of two just oozing out not being projected. Have cut down completely on foreplay. Finding myself having sudden rise of sex urge and when this happen, have been literally rushing on my wife and brutally penetrating her. None of this is calculated, it is like an unconscious urge. Even more dramatic is the fact that I have turned the rushed and brutal penetration to anal. My wife has been submitting to my behaviour and am quite sad to see her own physical pain during my assault. What's happening to me and how can I deal with that.

Pierre

[R.D.]

Pierre, you're doing the exact right thing in recognizing this as a problem and seeking help. I hope someone with professional expertise answers your post immediately, for your sake and for your wife's. Everything I have to say here is completely from a layman's point of view, ok?

I believe we'll all agree that age is a factor in lessened sexual performance, but there's also diet, exercise, weight, lifestyle choices, nicotine/alcohol/drug intake, stress, etc, etc. I'm 46, and if you'll read my own post, you'll see I'm on this site and reading yours because I'm dealing with a similar issue.

You didn't say in your post whether or not anal sex had been a part of your sex life prior to this problem emerging, but I'll bet that's an important detail. If your wife is willing to have anal sex, then perhaps the only thing that needs to be removed from this equation is the agression. Having said that, if the aggression is a playful part of your sexual interaction, and she's into it as well, then talking it out with her may be an option. The physical pain, however, is another story. Pierre, she won't put up with that forever, ok? You wrote your post because you know it's wrong, and I believe you want to stop hurting her, but as long as you're still doing it, wanting to stop is not enough.

Moreover, you didn't say why the foreplay stopped; was that your choice, her choice, mutual, etc? Once again, talk it out. Don't be ashamed to talk, ok? (You're ashamed about hurting her, but don't be ashamed to talk with her). Lastly, you didn't say what your wife's reaction has been over the 18 months you began to experience the ED symptoms in particular. The woman's reaction has a lot to do with resolving these issues.

Personally, I've never performed and never had a desire to perform anal intercourse, even though it had been offered to me by at least a couple of women many years ago. I don't know if I can give you any input due to my lack of experience with that.

[merrilee]

Well, I realise this is going to sound completely out in left field, but I've thought about this for awhile and it seems to me that it would not hurt to check for food intolerances such as gluten. some people report that theirmoods stabilize and that they experience odd surges or angeror aggression if they cheat or accidentally eat gluten. Some people report hormonal distubances as well.

You could start by just tracking your meals and see if there's any link (within 72 hours) with what you eat and how you behave. Of course, this is pretty slow. You could also just try the Paleo diet and see what happens.

The upside to this approach is it is a tangible demo for your spouse that you are taking this issue seriously and working on a solution. This counts for a lot.

i think you are hampered in your search for answers by the lack of people willing to discuss this sort of thing online. There are people on a gluten free diet that report better sex or improved ED or no longer needed testosterone cream, or improved hormone levels, but they are few and they often do not use standard vocabulary (so it is hard to find them with Google)

Please keep us posted and good luck

[cathrine001]

You need to see a therapist to talk about your concerns.

[merrilee]

Update, please. Have you been able to make any progress with this problem?