[brh]

I am 35 and have a 21 year old girlfriend. We have been dating for 6 months. At first we were having sex once or twice a week with no problems except for one time i tried and tried and could not ejaculate but was erect for the duration. Not long after i was not ready one day and i failed her. Her reaction was very negative. After that our sex was less occasional and i failed several more times. She has stayed with me but our relationship is now nonsexual. I can get it up when we are being intimate but i loose it when i think we are almost ready. I am emotionally devastated here, please help!!

[gb521]

I don't intend to be judgemental, but you have run smack into the "Age Difference" issue.

It is generlly thought that men reach their sexual peak in their early to mid 20's. Intensity and urge drops off in the 30's, and ED problems begin in the 40's. Women, on the other hands, are thought to peak sexually in their 30's, but their interest and intensity drop of quickly as menopause approaches. [Of course, all of this is "statistical", and actually depends heavily on the individual's mind and health.]

But generally speaking, what you experienced is absolutely normal. Failing occasionally is usually just a sign of physical tiredness -- just a bad end to a long day.

But her response was uncalled for. She got upset, and gave you the feeling that you are somehow less of a man. You, on the other hnad, took her comments to heart, and it is affecting your performance. The classic example of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But understnad that your performance is perfectly normal, and probably WILL return when you get the stresses out of your relationship. That probably means that this current GF needs to go.

You're starting to see the Generation Gap between you. At her age, she's probably been indoctrinated with the belief that sex is all about BANG BANG BANG. Conversely, you're already starting to see that sometimes cuddling is just as important as penetration. At this point, the two of you are sexually incompatibile. The situation is not likely to get better even if you marry, because she has an immature attitude of what a 'real' man is.

You need a woman who is not indictrinated by perceived sexsual performance, a woman who knows that there is more to a man than his penis. This woman is more likely to be closer to your age, maybe even a bit older. Concentrate on common interests, and interesting and compatible differences in your lives. Become good friends before you become lovers. I'm pretty certain that you abilities will improve almost instantly, and with a mature woman that's interested in you more than "that", those slight drops in performance will not reduce your manhood as seen from her persective.

[Flavio]

«I don't intend to be judgemental, but you have run smack into the "Age Difference" issue.»

I don't want to be rude, but this is probably the worst comment I've ever read on this forum. It's prejudiced and not helpful at all. It's true that the reaction of brh's girlfriend was immature, but there is no 'age difference' issue here.

brh's problem doesn't even have anything to do with age, it's simply a case of sexual performance anxiety.

There are two possible solutions to brh's problem: one, is to pay a small fortune to a bad psychologist that will lecture him about the alleged age difference issue; another one, is to use oral medication (Cialis, Levitra, Viagra) that will improve his erections and give him the self-confidence that he needs. I think you should choose the latter, brh.

There are other drugs that could help you, too: trazodone (an anxiety drug that improves erections), or an alpha blocker (e.g. phentolamine, yohimbe).

Talk to your doctor before you decide to start any of these treatments. Good luck!

[Flavio]

That probably means that this current GF needs to go.

Yes, you're probably right - the girl is too immature, even for a 21-year-old. But this has nothing to do with 'generation gaps'.