Erectile Dysfunction

[Cecee]

Hi all,
I just found this group and am new here. I am really sorry for everyone's struggles.
My husband has ED. He has since well before we were married- we have been married for 2 years. He is a pretty great guy.
I felt like there were so many things we could do to be intimate at first- but now I really miss the emotional closeness of sex. I feel sad that I feel that way. I think that he sometimes avoids me when I he knows I want to "be close" because he feels inadequate. I have pressured him to try cialis (insurance wont cover, but we have paid out of pocket- we have had limited success) He also has numbness and loss of feeling. So orgasms are a loooong time coming. Sometimes he gives up. This makes intimate time stressful rather than enjoyable. I have tried creams, rings, you name it.
I am starting to feel sort of discouraged and like this is all on me. I feel like sex should be easy and fun! Not stressful and a chore.
I believe in marriage...and being faithful. But I have a lot of thoughts lately. (I know- this isn't confession!) There are a lot of other "complicators" on top of all this...he is also diabetic.
Talking seems to make things more uncomfortable for him- scares him into no sexual activity at all. I can't live with that! Just looking for other wives...for support. Or I dont know. SOmeone who understands. My best to all.
Cecee

[learningaboutT]

Cecee,

Oh Honey, I have been there and done that... I definitely feel your pain.

For details, see the "Testosterone Deficiency" forum... My story is there.

The number one thing I can tell you is... find a life and fulfillment for yourself. Find hobbies, friends, and other things to fill your life and your time so that you don't focus so much on the problem. Because I assure you, it WILL make you CRAZY.

Apparently this is something that men feel a great deal of shame and confusion about. They don't want to talk about it, they don't want to deal with it, and they sure don't want to admit they have the problem or need to see a doctor.

Once you realize you CANNOT make him do anything... it helps your mindset.

If he decides to take action, i.e., go to the doctor, get shots, get creams, etc., on his own, (without prodding or suggesting from you), just encourage his decision. Don't question him, pressure, etc. Just simple encouragement. Anything more could be taken as another assault on his manhood - the first being the fact that he has erectile dysfunction...

I wish I had more for you than that - all I know is this is a hellish road for both parties. Do everything you can to assure yourself that you are being a good wife, then go forth and make friends, make hobbies, and live as completely as you can, in the knowledge that things could improve if he decides to do something about his ED. If he doesn't, then you have to either accept life as it is, or let him know you expect him to get help.

[doinmybest]

I'm a 54 year old male. I've been impotent for about 5 years. In my mind and heart I want my wife as much as I've ever wanted her. Unfortunately, I can't "close the deal." My wife, like many others, is a beautiful woman who desires a sexual relationship that includes penetration. We satisfy each other orally on a weekly basis but her heart breaks when I can't get in an erection. For the past four years or so I've dedicated more and more time to work. Impotency is humiliating. As I said, in my mind I still want it but there is no connection between my mind and my penis. Frankly, I've thought that my wife should leave to find satisfaction in the arms of another man but I love her and she loves me...but she needs more than I can give. I've tried all the medications by mouth. Today, I saw my urologist and am scheduled for injection therapy next week. I pray it works. My last resort will be a penile implant. I understand the humiliation I feel but have trouble understanding why a woman would drop a man over a penis! I've dedicated 25 years to a woman...solely one woman...and, until I started progressing in my impotency I got entirely too many refusals. Frankly, I'm frustrated, hurt and more than a little pissed off myself. I understand why men take their 6 figure salaries, buy the sports car, get an implant, and young blond that says nothing but "okay daddy!"

[girlfriend]

Cecee,

I was happy to find your post.

I have recently started dating someone that has a similar story to your husband. I strongly feel that, so far, his ED has not been a problem for me and I can life with it for now. He began to have this problem a few months before we met and it was a very stressful time in his life. Ironically, it is also when he began to better care for his diabetes.

He has said being with me has actually worsened his ED because he is feeling like we are just headed down a road that will ultimately disappointment me. I can't completely disagree if he doesn't get better.

My question is, how do I tell him I am perfectly ok with it, but then deal with my feelings about the expectations I have of him to "fix" it? I feel like such a liar telling him I am just fine with it (which I AM for now). I know, though, as we pass the lust stage of our relationship, true lovemaking will be something I not only desire, but require.

thanks~
Peace

[Flavio]

Diabetes is a terrible disease and a major cause of ED. Levitra seems to be very popular among diabetics, have you tried it already? Good luck, I wish you and your husband all the best.

[John999]

You are right, sex should be easy and enjoyable not stressful! Your husband has evidently some erection problem and it needs to be treated. It would be perfect for you to visit a doctor and get a prescription for Viagra or Cialis pills as they can help your husband get rid of impotence problems and maintain strong erections. I'm on Cialis now after having the same problems for a long time and I'm sure these pills can help your husband too.

[101Mel]

Hi,
Convince your husband to visit a doctor and take a prescription for one of the ED medications, it will help him as it helps almost 95% of all men suffering from these problems. All you need is to be sure about which of Cialis, Viagra, Levitra... are good for your husband and the necessary dosage. After you can order your medicines online to make savings. I can recommend you a good and cheap drugstore I am buying my Cialis from - http://viagranow.eu
Take action and bring back the love and emotions into your life! ;)

[lily1110]

Hi, I wish I could giver you some advice, but all I can really do is sympathise with you. I am going through this with my husband right now. He is going to the Dr. next week to talk to him about it because I want to make sure he is Ok healthwise. I tend to think it is all in his head because he is so worried about disapointing me now. I have to admit I don't handle it too well. He has had problems off and on and has gotten viagra and cialis sometimes they work sometmes not. For the past 2 weeks nothing has. Talk about feeling awful. I feel like something is wrong with me. I touch him and he gets even smaller. I feel like this is hurting me more than him, but he swears he feels bad too. I am 10 years younger than he is. I work out regularly and take care of myself, but my self esteem is quickly plummetting. There is a guy from my gym that keeps coming on to me and has for about 2 years now and sometimes lately, I really think about it, but honestly, I want my husband not just anyone. I don't know if I can live a sexless life though. I am only 42. I still have a sexy get up I bought over the summer I haven't worn for him yet, I am afraid it will put too much pressure on him and if it doesn't work again, I will really feel like something is wrong with me.

In a way I feel like I have blown it for myself if this is all in his head because I have said some things I shouldn't have in my frustration. I really try to be strong, but I feel like you and have even told him that, I want sex to be fun, whatever happened to just rolling into bed and having sex? It's so much work now and I got to the point last night and just said I was DONE. I'm not trying anymore. One thing I HAVE done in the past is touched him while he was asleep and low and behold it rose to the occasion and once he actually woke up BOOM he went limp again. I even thought at one point it was because I had a small chest and maybe if I were bigger he would be more aroused. I am so depressed about this right now. I love my husband so much, but this is really making things tough.

Oh well, good luck to you. I just wanted to tell you, I feel your pain.

Lily

[merrilee]

Is your husband's diabetes under control?
My spouse was diagnosed with borderline high blood sugar and he went on the Bernstein Diabetes Diet and saw some improvement in his ED. It also helped with the blood sugar.