[Guest]

My husband has been struggling with this during our 8 years of marriage. He can only last a few minutes and going slow, shallow and stopping.

I am desperate for help. We have been to a urologist who gave him clomapramine. That only made him limp for several minutes, then a sudden erection and orgasm (for him).

We have also tried the "simple" techniques. We have been in stage 3 for 8 years. He is not getting any better and I am going crazy.

Do any of you know of a natural therapy that can be likened to clomapramine or can slow down the ejaculatory reponse?

We have also tried many combinations sold on the net, the "band," multiple condoms, numbing cream, etc. etc.

Thank you,

A Struggling Wife

[Guest]

Wow, you do have a problem if you have tried all of those things. Have you simply tried having lots and lots of sex? The theory here is that he eventually will run out of juice and be able to last much longer. I mean, if he can last one minute the first time, wait a few mintues (or an hour) and come back and do it again. He should probably be able to last for, say, 2 minutes. Wait a while longer and come back and do it for the third time. It may take him a while to get erect, but he should be able to last a lot longer.

Using both condoms and numbing cream after the first time may help, too.

Another suggestion - have him engage in oral and manual sex on you to try to get you off before he starts.

If you still have troubles, then by all means, see a sex therapist.
[quote] My husband has been struggling with this during our 8 years of marriage. He can only last a few minutes and going slow, shallow and stopping... [/quote]

[Guest]

Guess we will be seing a sex therapist.

We have tried all that.

On the second time, he either can't get a full erection and can't have an orgasm or he can't get a full erection and has an orgasm. Either way, I can't feel anything. There is no possibility for a third time. He can't get an erection at all.

Yes, we have tried numbing creams + condoms... no difference. We have even used a cream my doctor gave me for neuropathy, which is much stronger and works more on the nerves than the over the counter stuff.

Yes, we have tried forplay, that just makes him go faster (not last at all).

Thanks, think I will just go jump off a cliff or something.


[quote] Wow, you do have a problem if you have tried all of those things. Have you simply tried having lots and lots of sex... [/quote]

[Guest]

Can you get off orally or manually? In foreplay, he can manually and orally stimulate you, and only after you climax will he then finally enter you. Most women don't really reach orgasms via pure penile stimulation anyway. If you need that type of stimulation you can get a, well, a penile simulation device, to be polite about it. (Just don't get one bigger than he is!)

His knowing that this is greatly depressing you has to be very depressing to him and, strangely, making it more difficult for him to control himself. That is, he concentrates so much on trying to feel nothing himself so he can last, that the ends up thinking of nothing but how it feels.

I should add that the average time to ejaculation for a man who constantly thrusts is maybe 2-3 minutes. More experienced men can last longer, but even then it can depend on their own state of arousal.

If numbing creams have no effect, then I have to think he has a mental issue, in that his body has trained itself to climax soon after entry - even though he feels nothing down there. I think sex therapy can help him. Please be encouraging with him and either get him to take care of you orally and manually, or you take care of yourself manually, rather than either jumping off a cliff or beratting him further.
[quote] Guess we will be seing a sex therapist.

We have tried all that... [/quote]

[Guest]

Well, I am still here... have not jumped yet.

The manual part doesn't seem to help at this point. I have MS and go numb in the clitoris area. Even when we do get it to work, it does not take care of the stimulation inside. In other words, doesn't help.

Interesting about the norm being 2-3 minutes... not what I thought... but still would take that over 1-2 seconds.

Yes, him thinking about it probably makes it worse. He does have feeling, even with the numbing, condom and medication.

Thank you so much for your help. I think he is getting closer to being willing to go to a therapist.

[quote] Can you get off orally or manually. In foreplay, he can manually and orally stimulate you, and only after you climax will he then finally enter you... [/quote]